“May today there be peace within. May you trust your highest power that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise, and love. It is there for each and every one of you”
~ Mother Theresa~
Thursday, 17 June 2010
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Strong and Grounded
I’m discovering some really interesting things about myself lately. Through my marriage I always thought of my husband has the person who provided grounding for our relationship and family. I used to be so grateful for that grounding. I also thought that Evan was the strong one, the one who could make anything happen when he set his mind to it. In the past few weeks, as I observe from a distance what is going on in my soon-to-be-ex-husband’s life, I realize that I’m much more grounded than he is and so much stronger as well. It is not a comparison thing but rather an awareness of where I am in my life right now and where he is. He is going through a really rough time filled with chaos and fear. On the other hand, I’m feeling centered and peaceful most of the time. Perhaps earlier in my life, I was not grounded or even strong, but I’m not that person of long ago. I’m a strong independent woman who knows what she likes and loves to surround herself with loving people and beautiful things. I know how to love myself and have done a darn good job putting that knowing into action lately. The person I thought I was isn’t and the person I thought my soon-to-be-ex-husband to isn’t either. It’s disconcerting and affirming all at once. Yet I was reminded by a good friend of mine today that soon-to-be-ex-husband did contribute to who I am today and I certainly agree. I’m grateful for the love that we shared and for the path we have traveled together for a while. I wish him nothing but the best. I strongly hope that he will find his way out of the mess he has placed himself in. I hope he will find the courage that he needs to face the fears that he is facing right now. As for myself, I’m truly enjoying discovering myself more and more every day and let me tell you, I really like what I’m discovering.
Thursday, 10 June 2010
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Mandalas and Visual Journaling
I had a great time this week creating mandalas as part of the 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse. I have 4 mandalas to share with you all. I also got my visual journal going. I had done a few backgrounds but didn't have any pages completed yet. Today I broke my resistance and I'm really happy with the result. I've done two pages but I will only share one. It feels like the other one isn't complete yet.
Day 1 of the 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse - The Gift of Desire
It was great to do a mandala. I love doing mandalas but had not done one for a long while. I am worthy of my heart's desire... YES!
Day 2 of the 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse - The Gift of Self-Awareness
I've uncovered a limiting belief during this exercise and I was able to release some of it in my mandala. That belief is "I can't do it right". This is what is at the root of my perfectionism and why I want to do so many things and end up doing very little. If I'm not assure that I will do it right, I don't do it at all. This mandala portrays imperfection and incompletion. Trust the process! Process NOT perfection! The process is never complete. As long as I live, I will be in process. That's a liberating thought.
Day 3 of the 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse - The Gift of Release
I love this mandala! I am RELEASED from the toxicity of my past! Limiting beliefs, wrong perceptions, etc. are breaking up and making their way out of my conscious and unconscious mind. While colouring I was concerned about the colours overlapping the black particles and then I realized that... Everything is impregnated with the Divine, even toxicity! It is all so beautiful!
Day 4 of the 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse - The Gift of Forgiveness
I was inspired to use my watercolour pencils for the first time for this mandala. I was quite happy with the result and I'm now quite fond of watercolour pencils. I've also use some sparkles and heart on this one. To my unpracticed self, this process felt messy and not as easy to control as regular markers and pencils. My insight from that is... Freedom is messy. Freedom is uncontrollable. Freedom is who I am! Free to express myself! Even if this means being messy or seemingly uncontrollable.
And now, my first completed page of my visual journal... tadam!
Monday, 07 June 2010
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Wow!
I was inspired by Kathryn at True North Arts to start the 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse by Debbie Ford. I'm a big fan of anything that Debbie Ford has written. I think she is an awesome spiritual leader and teacher. I've had the 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse for a while but haven't started it till this morning. Actually, I haven't read the book yet. Instead I've started on Oprah site. There is a section for each day that includes a podcast, writing exercise and an affirmation for the day. It's excellent! Check out for yourself here: 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse. Kathryn has also inspired me to add creating a mandala to this daily exercise which I did. I'm so glad that I have. It's been a while since I've made mandalas. I had forgotten how much I love making mandalas. What an awesome way to spent the beginning of a new day. My affirmation for today is: I am worthy of living my heart's desires. And so it is
Friday, 04 June 2010
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Healing Art Paper Doll
Oh, I haven't shared about this yet! Last Thursday I made my first healing art paper doll. Kathryn from True North Arts is having a swap right now and I joined in. My paper doll is now on her way to Manchester, NH to Kathryn's place and from there on will travel to our permanent home. I don't know who she is going to but will definitely find out soon.
My doll's name is Gioia. Gioia is Italian for 'joy'. Gioia guides all those who lay eyes on her or hear the tinkle of her bells to the full expression of their innate joy. She also protects against all that isn't pure joy. Gioia brings with her a reminder that joy is part of who we all are.
Beautiful Gioia who holds nothing back!
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Aligned and Atuned
I don't recall feeling as aligned with myself as I am right now and I know this is just the start. I can't imagine what life has in store for me. One thing I know is that it is going to be great. No doubts about that!! I feel really atune as well. My eating is what I consider 'normal' and healthy right now. The need to binge seems to have subsided in the past few days. That's a great feeling. I always seem to feel so out of control in this area. Yet I so need to lose weight so that I can enjoy life more fully. That too shall come to be. I know it!
I'm reading Women Food and God by Geneen Roth right now. I'm also taking her online mini-retreat. This is a 6-week over the phone retreat. I've done one week thus far and it's been good. The first week's 'homework' was to eat only when hungry and to really take stock of what I'm grateful for in my life. I'm looking forward to see what the 2nd week 'homework' is. Geneen Roth's website address is: www.geneenroth.com
Earlier this week, I shared about decorating my place with the wonderful guidance and help from my friend, Marie of Blackburn ReDesigns. Yesterday I went shopping for a few missing elements and today I finally received my dinette chairs. So now, I really feel that my living / dining area is complete. YEA! Let's see if I can show some pictures on here.
Tadam! My new abode! I love, love, LOVE it!!!
Wednesday, 02 June 2010
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Gratitude and Courage
Breathing in... and out... I'm sitting here at my desk at home with candle lit and instrumental spa music playing in the background and whole lot of gratitude in my heart. I'm on vacation this week and I'm really enjoying myself. I just sat on my balcony enjoying a cup of soy latte. Breathing in... and out... enjoying the quietness, harmony and beauty all around me and within me.
Yesterday my dear friend Marie spent the whole day with me. She volunteered her services as home redesigner to assist me with making my living/dining area a space that I can be proud of, a space that reflects who I am and my love for peace, beauty and harmony as well as fun and creativity. We had fun shopping and looking for the perfect decor elements for my space. Then we came home and Marie put everything together so beautifully. There are still little touches to be made. I will probably shop for that tomorrow. And I can't wait for my dinette chairs to be delivered. They have been on back order for 8 weeks now. I might have to look at an alternative. I liked my space very much prior to Marie's visit but now I ABSOLUTELY and delightfully love it! I love the little splash of colours Marie injected here and there. So me! Once things are completed I will take pictures and post them on here. I am so, so grateful for my wonderful friendship with Marie and for her generous gift of her talent. If you are wanting to have your space redesigned or would like to consult with her, check out her website: http://www.blackburnredesigns.com She is amazing!
I'm so grateful for all those who have been there for me through this time. I know for sure now who my true friends are and I'm so grateful for each and everyone of them. I'm also grateful for my mom, my sister and my brother. Each one of them have been there for me in there own special way. And, last but not least, I'm grateful for my son Chris. He is an amazing young man who has been very loving and supportive of me through this transition. Many children would do anything they can to keep their parents together and get them back together. Chris has supported me in my own self-love and his challenge for me to keep strong has been very clear even though he knows that this self-love dictates that I never return to a relationship with his father. I'm amazed by his insightfulness and caring for me. So grateful!
Once I'm done with this entry, I'm picking up the phone and doing something that requires a lot of courage on my part. Last Friday, I was pulled into a situation that made me realized how vulnerable I am to my soon-to-be-ex-husband. To make a long story short, he contacted me to tell me that he needed to leave his girlfriend and that he had made a big blunder and that he still loved me. He was picked up by a friend of his on that day and was to stay at another friend's place that night and figure out what to do next. Although I know clearly that I should never get back with him. I was so angry when I found out that he had gone back to her on the Sunday. I realized that in the back of my mind, I had expected a call from him. Even though, I was clear that I wasn't taken him back, I still expected a call. When I realized what the anger was about, with the help of my son, and could be honest with myself, I could access the feelings that were laying under the anger. It's all about wanting to be loved. I'm not even sure it is about wanting him to love me. There is still this part of myself that would do anything for crumbs of what might be perceived as love. It's really important for me to be aware of this. Awareness is power. It is clear now that once again, my soon-to-be-ex-husband totally was disrespectful of my feelings and even though I don't know this for sure, I think he called me to come to his rescue which I didn't. I'm phoning him this morning to tell him that he is not allowed to contact me for a whole year. First I wanted to tell him to never phone me at work again and to never phone me to rescue him again. But then I realized what I needed for my own sanity is to no longer have contact with him until I'm totally over him. Alright, time for that phone call...
